SEX AND THE CIGGY: SENSUAL PLEASURES OF THE POST-COITAL TREAT
Written by: Meg Walters
From cocktails to carbonara, why there are no rules on how you feed after doing the deed
Picture the quintessential post-coital scene. You probably imagine a soft, sweaty tangle of limbs, or maybe an awkward, lingering silence as an ever- widening gulf seems to form in the center of the bed. After a few seconds, he releases a sigh and reaches to the bedside table for a Marlboro Light. She wraps herself in the bedsheet and strolls lazily out of the bedroom to mix two gin and tonics.
There’s no denying that we have come to associate the post-coital glow with lazy, sexy indulgences – cigarettes in bed, chic homemade cocktails and even greasy leftover pizza springs to mind.
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The origins of the post-coitus cigarette are often traced back to the films of the late ‘60 and early ‘70s, with Robert Proctor, a professor at Stanford University School of Medicine and scholar of the history of smoking, explaining that films like The Graduate pushed the idea that smoking after sex was a relaxing, glamorous way to “capstone your sexual experience.”
Since Mrs Robinson’s iconic post-sex smoke, cigarettes have become a staple in the pop culture lexicon of the post-coital moment, appearing in dozens of films, including Basic Instinct, Chinatown, Notes on a Scandal and Fight Club to name just a few.
Other post-coital treats have also been glorified and romanticized through on-screen depictions. In Nora Ephron’s Heartburn, Meryl Streep and Jack Nicholson’s characters share a giant bowl of homemade pasta carbonara in bed after their first night together, leading Nicholson’s character to declare that he wants the dish once a week “when we’re married”, turning it into an infinitely more romantic and intimate moment than any sex scene could have managed.
In the 2011 Friends with Benefits, Mila Kunis and Justin Timberlake head straight to Burger King in a less sexy but equally intimate post-coital bonding moment, while no Mad Men bedroom scene would be complete without Don Draper knocking back an Old Fashioned.
Cinema has a long history of informing us that post-coital treats are the natural way to seal the deal. So, are our post-sex cravings a natural urge? Or are we being influenced by what we see on screen?
According to Pepper Schwartz, a Professor of Sociology and sexologist at the University of Washington and co-author of Relationship Rx, Prescriptions for Lasting Love and Deeper Connections, it’s probably a bit of both. “I generally think television reflects our habits rather than creates them – but it can definitely reinforce them,” she tells Sorbet. “We do feel ‘permission’ when we see ourselves reflected in mass media, which often leads in directions that undermine our values, health or relationship.”
As Schwartz explains, there are a number of scientific explanations for our post-coital cravings. She cites Dr Helen Fisher, whose work has found that there is an addictive quality to both the need for love and other pleasures.
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“When it is removed, the dopamine that is being produced by the emotional feelings and arousal during sex goes down, while the desire to recreate its effect goes up,” she says. “Hence, at least for the young, sex produces the desire for more sex – and chocolate and a lot of other indulgences, depending on what that person finds rewarding.”
Your post-sex cravings might also stem from a feeling of dissatisfaction. “Oxytocin is produced during orgasm for both men and women,” says Schwartz. And studies have found that this hormone might be related to bonding and to that blissful feeling after sex. “If the interaction has been unsatisfying (a missed orgasm perhaps) and the reward center of the brain is craving reward in general, you might seek out pleasure and comfort in non-sexual rewards. “It is interesting to me that both the achievement of pleasure and the loss of pleasure can produce the same result: going to the refrigerator or reaching for that cigarette that you promised yourself you would not have.”
But, as Schwartz warns, relying on your post-coital treat of choice isn’t always all that healthy – for you, or your relationship. When these treats become a ritualistic part of the comedown after sex, and you start to get the feeling that neither the sex nor the treat would continue to be quite so satisfying without the other, it may be time to find different ways to get more bang for your bite.
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